Don’t look at those who have made it there first... look who traveled the farthest.
My mentor once told me its better to look at the people who have overcome the most and study their journey than be fixated on the people who had overnight success. I didn't know the reasoning behind the statement until this year... now I know exactly why. After reflecting on all the biggest mistakes I've made in entrepreneurship in my first 4 years I've summed it up into 5 categories.
What is your level of commitment? Not just to your business but more importantly to yourself. In 2017 my husband asked me this question. What do you think I said?
"I AM 100% committed"... but I knew I wasn't.... he knew I wasn't. I had spent the first 3 years of business giving myself a makeover. You know.. slap on some conceiler here to cover the bags under my eyes... put on some blush and bronzer to cover my pale skin...throw on some fake lashes to enhance my eyes. Now obviously I am kidding but do you get the picture? Makeup rubs off, and your left with who you really are. I spent 3 years making over my life but the same issues were left.
I was INCONSISTENT
I have a tendency to go all out massive action on one thing in my life and everything else in my life takes a back seat. Even worse, once I find something else to go all out massive action in, I forget about the original thing that I was focused on. I was extremely inconsistent. I remember starting accountability groups for people I was mentoring and then missing a call, or after a few weeks, stopping the calls all together because I was too busy with something else that required my (full) attention. I realize now that in business, especially the type of business I am in, I have to be a consistent achiever in all areas rather than an overachiever in one area because if not, I will be letting a lot of people down. How many times have you started something because it sounded like a good idea at the time but eventually it just fizzled out? What if you made a true commitment to be consistent in a few small areas of your life instead of putting all your eggs in one basket or over committing yourself?
Here is what I learned:
1. My level of commitment needed to match the actions I was going to take. The level of commitment that others gave me needed to match the type of expectations I put on them. Simply asking someone "What is your level of commitment" can save you a lot of trouble at the end of the day. So you know exactly where to put your time and effort.
2. Sometimes if you have to FORCE accountability and FORCE people to remain consistent... it often means they're really just not the right ones
3. My excuses ultimately justified my mediocrity.
4. Learn to REPEAT: reuse every process exactly as taught.
5. I had to commit to being a WINNER, not a Wanna-be. Wanna be's overcommit themselves because they think it makes them look good. I learned to focus on becoming a winner and remain consistent with what I could commit to.
I was IMPATIENT
I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it now. I was so committed to being the best, the first, the greatest, that I handicapped the leaders I was working with because I figured I could get it done faster myself. I became frustrated and angry when I didn't reach my goals. I began to think that maybe entrepreneurship wasn't for me. I let my family life fall apart (even to the point where AJ and I almost divorced) because I was so fixated on business.
Here is what I learned:
1. Instead of constantly chasing new people to help you build your brand or business, the most important thing to do is be patient with people and develop the people you do have into leaders. This applies to all business, not just my industry.
2. I began to live the idea that growth comes before the promise. Personal development comes before the fortune. I needed to focus on "crockpot" growth vs. microwave success. I couldn't compare anyone else's success story with mine because the reality was I just wasn't mature enough yet.
3. Entrepreneurs fail 3.8 times before they experience any type of success.
I was UNGRATEFUL
There is a story about a man that was chatting with his friend. The man walked up to his friend and asked how he was. The friend said... IM TERRIBLE. The man asked why. The friend said ".... It all started 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago a relative passed away that I didnt even know left me $5,000 when he died." The man says... "Im sorry about your relative, but you didnt know him right? and he left you 5K? Dang sounds pretty nice". The friend continues..."just wait it gets worse....2 weeks ago a distant cousin of my wife's passed away and he left us $50,000." The man looks around like... is this guy crazy? Why is this terrible? The friend continues... "last week my great great grandfather who I have only seen once passed away and left me $750,000." The man is like okay dude you are ridiculous. "WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET?" The friend says... "BECAUSE THIS WEEK NO ONE DIED AND I DIDN'T GET NOTHING!" . I used to meet goals and even when I did, I was already thinking about the next best thing. Is being forward thinking okay? YES...but not if you cant even stop to give thanks for where your at. Why are we dissatisfied even when we are blessed? How many times have we not taken a second to be grateful for our position, our success, our business, relationships, family?
Here is what I learned:
1. It's simple .STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES. GIVE THANKS. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Because worrying about the future is just as toxic as always living in the past.
I was INSECURE
I never dealt with my issues. I never thought that you really could be psychologically bound to situations in your life and that it really could effect you moving forward. Until I realized that I truly had issues and needed to deal with them, I would never fulfill my true potential. When I started to have success, I started to believe my own press. I started to get more fulfillment out of what people said about me then what I really thought about myself. There is a huge problem with this. As soon as people switch up their perception of you, your entire worth is STILL hanging on their every word. I spent 3 years serving other people because I truly did want to help them but because I thought so low of my self behind the scenes that I clung to the words they said about me. As soon as God called me somewhere else in life and I focused my entrepreneurial efforts elsewhere, all the fair-weather fans disappeared. Fair weather fans are exactly as it sounds.. only fans when the weather is fair. Guess what else disappeared? My perception of my worth. How many times have we worried so much about what other people say? How many times did you get pumped up because someone was telling you how amazing you are?
Here is what I learned:
1. NEVER EVER EVER Allow your ego fulfillment to come from your business, or your industry.
2. Figure out what you love about yourself and focus on those things. Take care of your deep seeded issues before you start trying to impact other people.
3. My husband always says if your going to get up on stage and talk to thousands of people, you've got to make sure that you are 100% okay with yourself because you are about to breathe life into people, any little thing that is negative in you could possible affect the lives of SOMEONE you are talking to.
I was I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
Wait, WHAT? I thought you had to be a boss babe, need no man babe, get there by myself babe to be successful. I thought that was what got everyone to where they are. I was i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t. I thought I could do it all by myself. The main thing that I see today on social media is this false perception of success; that you have to be a beast, relentless, and unemotional. I had to make people believe that I was all and could do all. Talking and walking like a boss babe, even when I was broken inside. "Don't ever let them see you sweat". I didn't know that It is ok to be interdependent with those around you in business. Its okay to delegate tasks and let other people shine. Someone once said to me, figure out what your $1,000 an hour talent is and just do that as much as possible. You don't have to be the best at everything. Let others around you SHINE!
Here is what I learned:
1. Connections, transparency, vulnerability and common thinking is what is going to lead to success.
2. In order to have success I needed to be a redwood tree in a redwood forest. The redwood tree grows 400 feet up in the air. When I started to take a look at redwood trees I realized something really incredible. Their roots only went 4 feet deep in the ground. I started to wonder how these huge redwood trees stood so tall and were so strong. The reason they did is because Redwood trees that grow that tall are ALWAYS surrounded by other redwood trees. Their root systems may only go 4 feet deep but they stretch horizontally for miles, intertwined with other root systems. The reality is if you planted a redwood tree in your front yard it would never grow as it was intended to. In fact it would only grow about 20 feet hight. Get the picture? To be everything we are intended to be we have to stop thinking we can do it all ourselves.
I was IMMATURE
All of the above can be summed up into one simple fact. I was immature. I made up in natural talent what I lacked in discipline. I was great at covering up my deeply rooted issues. Talent can get you to a position of some sort of success but only maturity will keep you there. Until I matured in every single area of life I wasn't truly going to make an impact. Players in the NBA get to where they are because of talent. Once you're in the NBA you take a look around and EVERYONE has talent. The only thing that was going to separate me from the rest of those with talent is consistency, patience, gratefulness, confidence, team first attitude, and maturity.
Here is what I learned:
1. Success and maturity is a process, not an event. The only thing holding you back is TIME. You cant speed up time, you just got to get through it. But instead of trying to speed up your timeline. Take every second to learn valuable lessons, because if you don't live in the moment you will miss very important lessons that can help you have a stronger testimonial then anyone you know.
ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH A MAKEOVER OR TAKEOVER?
Consistent never ending growth and progression. This is what I live by. Guess what? I still am not perfect, I still am challenged, I still am not where I want to be but I finally believe that the ONLY way to get better is allow a COMPLETE TAKEOVER, not just covering up all your issues by a makeover.
Your bond with others must be greater than your battle
Your true purpose must be greater than temporary pain
Your cause absolutely must be greater than the cost it will take you to get there.